Lyrics of Flowers by Samantha Ebert
Well, blue skies and hillsides feel so far away
And I wrote in my notebook that I’ve seen better days
Than the ones as of late, I can’t bear the weight
The rain won’t stop pouring out my window pane
And I haven’t left my bedroom in 76 days
I wish something would change
‘Cause I’m losing faith
So I brought it up in a desperate prayer
Lord, why are you keeping me here?
Then He said to me, “Child, I’m planting seeds
I’m a good God and I have a good plan
So trust that I’m holding a watering can
And someday you’ll see that flowers grow in the valley”
So whatever the reason, I’m barely getting by
I’ll trust it’s a season knowing that you’re by my side
Every step of the way
And I’ll be okay
‘Cause I brought it up in a desperate prayer
Lord, why are you keeping me here?
Then He said to me, “Child, I’m planting seeds
I’m a good God and I have a good plan”
So trust that I’m holding a watering can
And someday you’ll see that flowers grow in the valley
Mm, mm
I listened to this song on repeat during Reid’s 18 days in the hospital. So much has happened since that day, starting in the early hours of December 7, when Reid was hospitalized.
It was around 1:30 a.m. when I drove Reid to the ER. He was doubled over in pain, and I had to find a wheelchair abandoned in the parking lot to help him sit. I still can’t believe the amount of pain he was in. After vitals were taken and a painfully long wait in the ER, Reid was visibly shaking, his color was off, and his pulse was dangerously high. The doctors kept asking if he had a history of heart problems, which we denied.
Later, a surgeon came in and said Reid needed immediate surgery—he was in septic shock. After our difficult experience in the ER and hospital back in September, I insisted that he be transferred to City of Hope, even though it was over an hour away. (You can read more HERE about how LL missed Reid’s tumor on numerous scans.)
Somehow, we managed to get Reid’s surgeon, Dr. Andrea Kaiser, on the phone on a Saturday—a small miracle. Dr. Kaiser said they didn’t have an operating room available, and the wait would be too long for the emergency we were facing. Our surgeon, Dr. Martin Rosenthal, said we had less than 20 minutes, and surgery needed to happen right away. The gravity of his words hit me hard. Reid could barely speak and was shaking. I kept thinking, Is this the last time I’ll see him? My heart was racing, and tears were rolling down my face as Dr. Kaiser supported the surgery Dr. Rosenthal was about to perform.
In that moment, I looked at Dr. Rosenthal and asked him, “How many years have you been doing surgery?” I then said, “Please treat my husband as if he were your own son.” Can you picture that? It felt like a scene from a movie, the weight of the moment so intense. I was begging him with all my heart to do his best for Reid. I kissed Reid’s forehead, and he was quickly wheeled away to the operating room.
That night, Reid was in critical condition. I called on my prayer warriors to pray like mad for his health and well-being—and you did. You know who you are. After many hours of surgery, I received a call. The surgery was over, but the doctor wanted to talk to me in person. He said, “Drive safe.”
He met me in a special room and told me that Reid had gone into cardiac arrest and they had to perform CPR for four minutes. They couldn’t finish the surgery and left him open, putting him in the ICU. The days that followed were a blur, but also traumatic. Even as I recall it now, my heart tightens.
The next day, they had to go back in for a second surgery to complete the procedure, and Reid was returned to the ICU. One night during visiting hours, I noticed Reid looked ghostly white and something seemed wrong. A nurse gently touched my back and suggested I gather my things since visiting hours were about to end. I told her I needed to speak to the charge nurse to stay overnight because Reid didn’t look good. The nurse reassured me that he was in good hands.
I insisted on checking his temperature, which read 93°F—hypothermia. Later, they used a “bear hug” device to warm him up, but something still didn’t feel right. I asked her to page the on-call doctor. It was then that we learned Reid was losing blood rapidly, likely from internal bleeding after surgery. He underwent a CT scan, which revealed the bleed, and he received several blood transfusions.
Dr. Rosenthal took Reid back into surgery a third time to stop the bleeding and clean out the large amounts of blood. Friends, it was one of the scariest nights of my life. I was forced to go home, but I found comfort in listening to scripture for sleep on YouTube. Hour by hour, I called the nurse for updates, and she filled me in on his status—moving from CT to IT, receiving blood, and then back to the OR.
That night was terrifying, but in His mercy, God watched over Reid, and he eventually healed from three back-to-back surgeries. On the fifth night, December 12th, Reid was discharged from the ICU and moved to the 15th floor in the wee hours of the morning. This was a relief because it meant I could stay overnight and keep a closer eye on him.
December 12th was also my birthday, but I couldn’t sleep. Around 3:30 a.m., I called Reid’s room, and he was upset and hallucinating, something that never happens. He asked me to come, which was unusual for him. I asked the charge nurse for permission to visit before visiting hours, and thankfully, she said yes. I drove over at 4:30 a.m. and found Reid in a soiled gown, distressed, unattended, and still hallucinating from too many days on Lidocaine. I spoke with his nurse and charge nurse about the neglect, and we had him taken off the Lidocaine. I’ll note that up until this point, his care had been excellent, and I only expected the best. I’m sure you can agree, that this was just one of the reasons why we need advocates for our loved ones in the hospital.
Once Reid was off Lidocaine, he was still seeing things, but when I walked into the room, he smiled and said, “Happy Birthday!” That sweet moment was such a gift, and I’ll always treasure it.
As I reflect on those days, my heart is heavy, but God provided moments of grace throughout. Our marriage grew stronger, and we were supported by an incredible community of friends who brought us coffee, lunch, and even birthday gifts. I cannot express how grateful I am for them.
I did everything I could to help Reid get healthy again. Every day, I brought fresh beet juice, green juices, the best collagen, and vitamins. I massaged his feet and legs with magnesium lotion. I researched every wellness protocol I could find to help him recover. This routine continued, and I balanced trips to and from the hospital, managing the kids, and carrying around beet juice and homemade soups (sometimes spilling into my bag!).
This continued until Reid’s discharge on December 24th. Before leaving, his scans revealed a blood clot in his leg and an abscess in his abdomen. We took a deep breath, but thankfully, the abscess was just dried blood and wasn’t a major concern. He was put on blood thinners for the clot.
If I could share a few takeaways from this experience, it would be this: we learned so much. I wish I could forget those first five days, but funny enough, Reid was so sedated that he doesn’t remember them. I tell him he’s blessed not to remember.
Do I wonder how Reid got cancer in the first place? Absolutely. Do I believe that God brings trials to test and grow our faith? Absolutely. Do I hold fast to His word that says, “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight?” Absolutely.
Reid is alive today, and that is a miracle. Can you join me in praising God for this?
Here are some takeaways:
If you’re wondering how to bless others in a similar situation with a loved on sin the hospital, here are some ways others have shown love and ministered to us.
1 Offer to bring a meal, a drink, or organize a meal train for them. I had a friend start a meal train for me and it was a huge blessing to our family.
2 Offer to clean their house. Especially if their hospital stay is long term. It is difficult on many levels to be away from home.
3 Offer a ride or to stay with their kids.
4 Offer to take down their Christmas tree – we were thankful to have help with this!
All of these things people have blessed us with!
